Imaginative story proofread please!?

Before my eyes, there was a field of flowers surrounded by magnificent trees. I was so excited that I skipped my way there. When I finally reached it, I sat down and decided to first pick azaleas. I thought it would be perfect to place these back at home, but I had no idea how to carry all these. Then I remembered what the local flower had taught me the other night. I closed my eyes and held the flowers to my chest. It suddenly turned into seeds. I placed them in my bag to save it for later. It seemed like only a few minutes since we were in the middle of this field. Apparently, it wasn%26#039;t because a spiky-haired boy complained, %26quot;Where is Giovanni?%26quot;





I looked up at the boy, who was sitting at a tree stump nearby, and said, %26quot;Relax, Edgar! It%26#039;s not like he%26#039;s never been late or anything. Why don%26#039;t you just sharpen your sword or something.%26quot;





Edgar said, %26quot;For your information, I have been sharpening it for the past 50 minutes! There%26#039;s nothing else for me to do!%26quot;





I thought (to be continued)

Imaginative story proofread please!?
First off, there are plenty of words that may be omitted.





Here are some sentences I thought were troublesome:





Before my eyes, there was a field of flowers surrounded by magnificent trees. (How were they magnificent? If you don%26#039;t know, get rid of the word entirely.)





Then I remembered what the local flower had taught me the other night. (The flower taught you something?)





I closed my eyes and held the flowers to my chest. It suddenly turned into seeds. (How?)





%26quot;You%26#039;re late!%26quot; I heard Edgar say. (Make this its own paragraph)





%26quot;What%26#039;s that?%26quot; asked Edgar. (Change to Edgar asked)
Reply:Creative writing usually doesn%26#039;t require perfect, textbook grammar unless the main character is a literary professor. The writing style, imperfect grammar and all, adds to the story. So I only corrected the major errors - I didn%26#039;t adjust every ambiguous sentence structure or possible punctuation flaw.





It suddenly turned into seeds


*should be [They suddenly turned into seeds] (seeds, plural, so %26#039;they%26#039; not %26#039;it%26#039;)





I placed them in my bag to save it for later


*should be [I placed them in my bag to save for later] (%26#039;it%26#039; is singular, can%26#039;t use it to describe the seeds which are plural)





It seemed like only a few minutes since we were in the middle of this field


*should be [It seemed like only a few minutes since we had been standing in the middle of the field] (needed clarification)





Well, I guess you can say we are their reincarnation.


*should be [Well, I guess you could say we are their reincarnation.] (%26#039;could%26#039; is the proper tense)





It%26#039;s been at least 200 years since we last saw The Guardians


*should be [It%26#039;s been at least two hundred years since we last saw The Guardians] (if you can spell out the number in three words or less, use the words (fifty) not the numbers (50))





My name is Royse, and I will provide you with anything we can!


*should be [My name is Royse, and my companions and I will provide you with anything we can!] (you said %26#039;I will%26#039;, singular, followed by %26#039;we%26#039;, plural. Should be one or the other.)





How did you know Glenda?


*should be [How do you know Glenda?] (the rabbit does know her, present tense, not %26#039;did%26#039;)





2 hours later


*should be [two hours later] (same as above, spell out the numbers)





In front of us was a huge hole. But I was unaware of this and continued to walk


*should be [In front of us was a huge hole, but I was unaware of this and continued to walk ] (don%26#039;t begin a sentence with %26#039;but%26#039;)





I know she obtains the flower power!


*should be [I know she controls the flower power!] (maybe? Obtains just isn%26#039;t the right word for it.)





There%26#039;s no other explanation why both Giovanni and Edgar were protecting me, unless if I was weak


*should be [There was no other explanation for both Giovanni and Edgar protecting me, unless I had been obviously weak] (you mixed tenses again)





Only-Useful-When-the-Fire-Guardian-is-... Potion


*(uh... I don%26#039;t know how to fix this one, but %26#039;when the fire guardian is us? What does that mean?)





Oops, I thought. I distracted both Winfred and Edgar. I owe them big time, I thought.


*should be [Oops, I thought. I distracted both Winfred and Edgar. I owe them big time.]


(you said %26#039;I thought%26#039; twice.)



finance